i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
