Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize