if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
