GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
