I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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