I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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