I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
