normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
