What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
