hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
God gave him joint rollers for hands
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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