I heard we made out
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Randomize
