Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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