don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
