he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
