I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
