I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
