Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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