Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
