Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
