I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
