just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
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