3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
