I'm eating all of the evidence.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
