so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
