Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
