did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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