oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
being pregnant is like rehab
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
