we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
