That's intense
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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