I'm laying in your front yard are you home
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
