Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
