she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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