your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
