thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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