Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Randomize
