i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
