You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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