I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
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