I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
