i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
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