it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
