I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
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