We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
So many bounce houses so little time
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Let's get the cat blown out
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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