Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
