One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
