Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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