last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
