Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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