The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
