I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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