I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
